Dating dynamics have changed a lot over the past few decades. We, as a society, are moving towards a highly inclusive mindset where there’s respect for everyone and the life they choose. No matter the orientation you choose, in today’s world, respect and understanding always have to be there in a relationship. However, several communities are still subject to stereotypes and generalizations.

Trans people belong to a community that can still face problems such as that of identity and acceptance in some cultures around the world. The journey of self-realization and self-acceptance for trans people begins pretty early in their lives. It takes a lot of courage to go through this journey and come out succeeding. This is why if you have found your perfect partner from a trans dating site and are dating them, you should always be mindful of the fact that, just like any relationship, honesty should be of profound importance.

Trans people deserve to be with someone proud of being with them. Discreet dating is only okay when parties agree to it. One of the biggest red flags for any transgender individual would be their partner assuming discreet dating should be the default in their relationship. Not only is this rude and offensive, but if you genuinely love your partner, it can create more problems for both of you later on.

Openness In Trans Love
By hiding your relationship with your trans partner, you will make it seem like you know you are doing something wrong. No one wants to be with someone who does not embrace them in front of the world and makes it seem like being with them is a mistake. Ask yourself how you would feel if any of your former partners revealed that they kept you a secret all along.

Even if your partner doesn’t find out about the discreet nature of your relationship, keeping things secret will limit what you can do with your partner. For example, certain places would be off limits for you to visit because you don’t want to be seen with them by your side. Initiating a relationship while also keeping it a secret because you think people won’t approve of it is never a good idea. These relationships can work for a limited amount of time but almost never work in the long run. The truth will eventually come out, and you will end up hurting your partner’s feelings.

From Secrecy To Dishonesty
There’s no better feeling than browsing a trans dating site and clicking on a profile only to find they were exactly the partner you were looking for. Fast forward a few weeks, and everything is still amazing. However, you have assumed that discreet dating is the way to go without discussing it with your partner. You have allowed yourself to lie to them. When this happens, you are basically laying the foundation of even more dishonesty in your relationship. Chances are, very soon, you will have to lie multiple times to hide this one secret.

When there is no honesty in a relationship, partners can never rely on each other. Even if they do not know that you are being dishonest, you have still unconsciously permitted yourself to be dishonest for other stuff in your relationship, if need be. Just like everyone else, lying and keeping them a secret is never acceptable to trans people.

Secrecy in Trans Love & the Fallout That Follows
Discreet dating with your trans partner can affect not only your relationship with them but also with other people around you. Imagine your family finds out that you have been keeping this relationship a secret. If you really love your partner, you would not want your family to see them as someone you want to keep hidden. This would only cause extreme stress in your relationship and could also possibly lead to you both parting ways. Your trans partner will feel insulted and instantly feel like they cannot trust you. How can they be with someone who does not have it in them to own them out in the world truly?

Hiding your relationship can particularly prove tricky when you eventually decide to make it public. Suppose you have been dating your trans partner for a few months and feel like now is the time to disclose this news to your friends or family. The fear of their questions will pressure you to keep this relationship hidden. You wouldn’t be able to tell them if you wanted to. Think about how hurtful it would be for your partner when they realize that despite the fact that you love them, you are letting go because you don’t have the courage to affirm them publicly.

Ensuring a Supportive Space for Trans Relationships
Relationships can never exist in a bubble. We all need the support of families and friends to navigate through relationships at some time. Setting expectations from the outset, a shoulder to cry on in case of parting ways or just venting out, we all need someone to talk to. Moreover, when you are in a relationship with trans people, like all of us, they would like to introduce you to their social circle. And they will expect the same from you.

By keeping your relationship discreet, you are depriving both of you of the support system that you will someday need. When discreet dating, it may take some time, but your partner will ultimately realize that you have no intention of taking your relationship to the next level. Even if they recognize being discreet is what you want, they will eventually feel isolated. No one deserves the growth of their relationship to be hampered just because their partner can’t embrace them socially.

When you eliminate all the possibilities of having a support system, you are putting extra pressure on your relationship. This is because neither of you will have anyone to talk about this relationship, only the two of you.

The Dilemma of Keeping Trans Love Hidden
Even if the discreet nature of your relationship somehow isn’t affecting the honesty and communication in a relationship, it is just wrong and gives birth to many questions. Why would you keep your partner a secret? Why would you be ashamed of sharing them with the world? Are you doing this so that you can see other people and keep your options open? These are the questions that you should ask yourself before discreet dating. If you don’t, these are the questions that your partner will be asking you or themselves when they find out that they were being kept a secret all along.

Learning & Growing With Your Trans Partner
Now that we have established discreet dating is only okay when both parties agree to it, let’s discuss how you can let your trans partner help you empower your relationship. As a supportive partner, you have first to understand how challenging it would have been for them to disclose their identity. They now deserve a supporting partner, and your first step towards being that is to educate yourself about the stereotypes associated with trans people.

There is no harm in being honest with your partner and asking them to help you find resources to educate yourself. When they see that you are willing to make an effort to educate yourself about their lifestyle, challenges, and struggles, they will appreciate you even more. This will lead to a relationship where love can prosper without the presence of lies and dishonesty. Relationships are great when you have a partner who not only says yes to you but to navigating the struggles of life hand in hand, and trans people deserve no different.